Sometimes I regret the decisions I've made
Sometimes I'm happy with what I have chosen
It's very natural
Nobody is perfect
Nobody knows what's the right thing to do
(Or maybe there's no such thing as "right things to do" in the first place)
But I shouldn't forget to be grateful for what I have right now
And the most important thing is to make the best of it
Do not give up
You can change it if you really want to and try hard
Regretting will take you nowhere
Don't you ever forget that
July 5, 2012
April 27, 2009
What Makes Me Truly Happy
When I was in the States, I wanted to go back to Japan so bad.
I knew being apart from him would be hard, but I thought I'd be fine because I'd be my family and friends, who I had been missing so much for years.
But I was wrong.
It's good to be home, yet something doesn't feel right.
Being with my family and friends doesn't make me feel completely happy.. even though THIS IS what I had wanted for a long time.
Obviously, things have changed; or rather, I've changed.
What I realized is:
I don't care where I am as long as I'm with him.
I can't be completely happy without him even in Japan.
I really don't care.. like I wouldn't mind living in a small village in Africa, where I don't understand a single thing the people say, if he was there with me.
He is the source of my happiness, and he completes me.
That's all.
I knew being apart from him would be hard, but I thought I'd be fine because I'd be my family and friends, who I had been missing so much for years.
But I was wrong.
It's good to be home, yet something doesn't feel right.
Being with my family and friends doesn't make me feel completely happy.. even though THIS IS what I had wanted for a long time.
Obviously, things have changed; or rather, I've changed.
What I realized is:
I don't care where I am as long as I'm with him.
I can't be completely happy without him even in Japan.
I really don't care.. like I wouldn't mind living in a small village in Africa, where I don't understand a single thing the people say, if he was there with me.
He is the source of my happiness, and he completes me.
That's all.
April 25, 2009
私という人間
信じるのが怖い
こんな私は病気なの？それともただ人を信じることが出来ない悲しい人間？
信じたいと思うのに
信じて裏切られるのはもういやだと心が叫ぶ
盲目的に信じてた人に裏切られた
いっぱい傷ついたし苦しんだ
それは若かった自分のせい
信じるべきではない人を分かっていながら信じた自分のせい
でもそれが私の心に影を作り
今もなお生き続けている
ってことなのか、実際自分でもよく分からない
なにかちょっとでも不安になると
最悪の事態を想定する
特に恋愛だったら、別れるまで考える
そして、自分に言い聞かせるんだ
「別れたって大丈夫。この世の終わりじゃない」って
そうすれば、本当にそれが起こったときに
ショックが少なくてすむ
心のどこかで
「ほら、思ってた通りじゃん。分かってたこと」
そう思うことで自分が壊れるのを防ぎたいんだ
最悪の場合を考えるのは
自分を守るための術
今までは最悪の事態＝別れを想定してて
本当にそうなってしまうことが多かった
だから自分の中にこの一連のプロセスが染み付いてしまっているのかもしれない
別れを想定しても、本当に別れてしまうんだから
相手に対して罪悪感だって感じなかった
どれだけ上手くいってても期待はしちゃいけない、そう思ってた
今、私には大切な人がいる
運命とか分かんないけど、もし人生をともに歩んでく人がいるとしたらこの人なんだと思う
彼の私に対する愛は大きくあったかい
彼のおかげで自分は変わったと思った
でも違った
私は今までのまま、人を信用できない子
小さなことで不安になって
今までどおりで別れを考える
でも彼はいつでも私のことを理解し深い愛で包み込んでくれる
そして訪れる真っ黒な罪悪感
彼の愛をほんの少しでも疑ってしまったことに対する後悔の念
he's worth trustingなのに
この人を信じず誰を信じるのかって思うのに
同じプロセスを繰り返し行う私
ひどい人間だと思う
でも失わないだろうと思ってて失うのが怖い
傷つくことを何よりも恐れ
怯え震えている私がいる
婚約までしてるのに、それでも完全に彼を信じ切れない自分自身に対する苛立ち
抜け出したいのに、抜け出せないアリ地獄のよう
自分が情けなる瞬間
こんな私は病気なの？それともただ人を信じることが出来ない悲しい人間？
信じたいと思うのに
信じて裏切られるのはもういやだと心が叫ぶ
盲目的に信じてた人に裏切られた
いっぱい傷ついたし苦しんだ
それは若かった自分のせい
信じるべきではない人を分かっていながら信じた自分のせい
でもそれが私の心に影を作り
今もなお生き続けている
ってことなのか、実際自分でもよく分からない
なにかちょっとでも不安になると
最悪の事態を想定する
特に恋愛だったら、別れるまで考える
そして、自分に言い聞かせるんだ
「別れたって大丈夫。この世の終わりじゃない」って
そうすれば、本当にそれが起こったときに
ショックが少なくてすむ
心のどこかで
「ほら、思ってた通りじゃん。分かってたこと」
そう思うことで自分が壊れるのを防ぎたいんだ
最悪の場合を考えるのは
自分を守るための術
今までは最悪の事態＝別れを想定してて
本当にそうなってしまうことが多かった
だから自分の中にこの一連のプロセスが染み付いてしまっているのかもしれない
別れを想定しても、本当に別れてしまうんだから
相手に対して罪悪感だって感じなかった
どれだけ上手くいってても期待はしちゃいけない、そう思ってた
今、私には大切な人がいる
運命とか分かんないけど、もし人生をともに歩んでく人がいるとしたらこの人なんだと思う
彼の私に対する愛は大きくあったかい
彼のおかげで自分は変わったと思った
でも違った
私は今までのまま、人を信用できない子
小さなことで不安になって
今までどおりで別れを考える
でも彼はいつでも私のことを理解し深い愛で包み込んでくれる
そして訪れる真っ黒な罪悪感
彼の愛をほんの少しでも疑ってしまったことに対する後悔の念
he's worth trustingなのに
この人を信じず誰を信じるのかって思うのに
同じプロセスを繰り返し行う私
ひどい人間だと思う
でも失わないだろうと思ってて失うのが怖い
傷つくことを何よりも恐れ
怯え震えている私がいる
婚約までしてるのに、それでも完全に彼を信じ切れない自分自身に対する苛立ち
抜け出したいのに、抜け出せないアリ地獄のよう
自分が情けなる瞬間
March 9, 2009
Finally...
I'm leaving Seattle in 12 hours..
I've met a lot of people and experienced a lot of things in Seattle. I feel so grateful to both good and bad things I experienced here because they made me who I am now.
Thank you for all these years, Seattle! I'll be back soon!!
I've met a lot of people and experienced a lot of things in Seattle. I feel so grateful to both good and bad things I experienced here because they made me who I am now.
Thank you for all these years, Seattle! I'll be back soon!!
March 3, 2009
Anniversary Dinner
This year, we didn't do anything for the Valentine's Day.. it's because we have 2 big events other than the Valentine's Day this month, which are my boyfriend's birthday and our anniversary (meaning the day we became bf and gf). He told me that we should just skip it this year, and we really didn't do anything ;p
For our 2 year anniversary, my boyfriend made a reservation at a restaurant in advance. He didn't even tell me which restaurant it was, and I finally figured it out when we got there. It was THE MET (the Metropolitan Grill).
I was pretty shocked because I didn't expect the restaurant for our anniversary dinner to be this nice! I mean, many famous people, such as Robin Williams and Ray Allen (played for Sonics), have eaten there!!
The price isn't too bad for what they serve.. I think. You can get a really nice steak for about $130, but you can also get a decent steak for $50-$70. What surprised me the most was this one cocktail. It's called 'Millionaire Martini' and how much?.....it's $250! I don't think I'd have it even if I had enough money.. ;p
We both had steaks, which were huge but tender. It was so good! And I really liked the blueberry mojito I had. The restaurant's atmosphere was excellent (I even hesitated to take pictures at the table..). The server was very friendly and made nice small talk with us. One of the questions he asked us was 'what's the occasion?', and we of couse answered it was our 2nd anniversary. Then, after finishing dinner, our server brought us a cream bluree! It was on the house too :) Very sweet, isn't it? We had coffee with the cream bluree, and that was delicious!!
So it was a very nice anniversary dinner, and we both had a great time! I hope we can do this kind of stuff every year from now on :)
For our 2 year anniversary, my boyfriend made a reservation at a restaurant in advance. He didn't even tell me which restaurant it was, and I finally figured it out when we got there. It was THE MET (the Metropolitan Grill).
I was pretty shocked because I didn't expect the restaurant for our anniversary dinner to be this nice! I mean, many famous people, such as Robin Williams and Ray Allen (played for Sonics), have eaten there!!
The price isn't too bad for what they serve.. I think. You can get a really nice steak for about $130, but you can also get a decent steak for $50-$70. What surprised me the most was this one cocktail. It's called 'Millionaire Martini' and how much?.....it's $250! I don't think I'd have it even if I had enough money.. ;p
We both had steaks, which were huge but tender. It was so good! And I really liked the blueberry mojito I had. The restaurant's atmosphere was excellent (I even hesitated to take pictures at the table..). The server was very friendly and made nice small talk with us. One of the questions he asked us was 'what's the occasion?', and we of couse answered it was our 2nd anniversary. Then, after finishing dinner, our server brought us a cream bluree! It was on the house too :) Very sweet, isn't it? We had coffee with the cream bluree, and that was delicious!!
So it was a very nice anniversary dinner, and we both had a great time! I hope we can do this kind of stuff every year from now on :)
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